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Realistic Expectations for Children Sitting Still?

FriAug52011 PostedFriday, August 5, 2011 @ 8 PMByBetsy CorningTaggedChildhood Development Expectations

Dear Betsy,

What are realistic expectations for a four year-old sitting still at meals, church, in restaurants, etc.?
-Ants in his pants

Dear Ants,

A healthy, well-rested four year-old should be able to sit through a meal at a restaurant or an hour-long event without unruly behavior. Do not exasperate a child, however, by expecting them to sit quietly for extended periods of time (for example in a long church service that is not geared to them at all. Just imagine if you were expected to sit for an hour and watch Barney!) Children, by nature, require a certain amount of physical activity. Anything over an hour is really expecting a lot for a young child.

This is an area of training and maturity over time. It is not a matter of them just sitting still when they reach the “magic age” of four. This, of course, will vary from child to child.

1 Corinthians 13:11 reminds us that children do not act like adults, and they should not be expected to. “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.”

Remember it’s a process, but what direction are we going in our training process? We are training them to eventually sit still without having to be entertained or occupied.

Plan ahead, and if you are in a restaurant, for example, have something special for them to nibble on while waiting, or a small toy they can play with that won’t be disruptive to those around them. Also teach them proper manners as to how to express their needs. One of our family restaurant rules was, “If someone at another table can hear what you’re saying, you are too loud.” Adults should be able to relax and enjoy a meal without constant focus on or interruption from the children. On the other hand, don't ignore them; they need to feel like they are part of the dining experience.

Please remember to be reasonable and respectful of your surroundings, especially in a church service. My opinion is that a worship center should not be treated like a movie theater or a coffee house but as a place of worship. Certainly it should be a place where children are welcomed, but it shouldn’t be the only place where they are being trained to sit still. They should be learning this even at home at the dinner table. (See tip on “Dinner Pants.") It is disrespectful to the people around you as well as to the speaker to have children who are disruptive or in constant motion.

One general tip that may seem obvious, but many parents seem to forget, is to make sure your children have visited the restroom before they will be expected to sit for an extended period of time. Also, be sensitive to their routine and do not stretch them too far beyond their scheduled mealtimes or naps.

(For further discussion about levels of maturity and reasonable expectations, see Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, pages 224-226).

Warmly,

Please Note: This counsel is given from a distinctively biblical worldview, and therefore, is being offered with the assumption that the reader has placed him or herself under the authority of Scripture. Also, please remember that these answers are designed to give general parenting advice and are not intended to give specific counsel to specific situations. If you have extenuating circumstances, please seek the professional advice of your pastor, physician, or counselor.

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